No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
