so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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