Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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