You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
