i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
