Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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