STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
