What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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