If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
