They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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