A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
