My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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