shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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