Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
All I want is dick and wine.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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