you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
