He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
