sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
