your thong is hanging out like whoa
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
