Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
