That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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