My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
