It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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