my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
