never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
