I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
a search helicopter?!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
