I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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