If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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