Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
