Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize