im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
