I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize