i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
