I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize