New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
