on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
