She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
