listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
