I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
