I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
