Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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