and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
