you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
