Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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