Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
