I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
