girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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