just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
