If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Randomize
