new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
