I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
