I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
