So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
