I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
