get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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