My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
