If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
