i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
