If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
