So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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