Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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