Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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