Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
