i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
