...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Four minutes until I can fart!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
is wine microwaveable?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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