I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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