i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
