I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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