Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
