My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Randomize
