If that was your dad, he is hot
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
what day is it and did you see me today?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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