I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
