So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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